I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
