My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
