why didn't you poke me back
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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