thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
