i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
