Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
