I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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