That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
