I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
