No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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