Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
