Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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