Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
