walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
