I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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