dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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