Ambien. No doubt about it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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