i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
