I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
