She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
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