ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
