I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
