I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
