i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
