adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
