i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
whose parrot is this?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
