fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
