Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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