I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
