He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
