So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
