Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
