Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
