belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
