Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
