the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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