I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
