i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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