he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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