Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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