I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
