how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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