She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
