Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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