How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
