Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
