did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
