Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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