Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
