you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
