Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
