Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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