Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
