I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
