I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
